When You Are Through Changing, You Are Through.

You may have heard hints of it in my post on why I started blogging.

This little space that I started for me has become about Him, and for His glory.  I wouldn't want it any other way.  And He has been busy stirring my heart.

All throughout the adoption journey, I kept feeling this tug to use this online community for Him, somehow, some way.  I sought counsel from Godly women, I prayed, I dreamed and planned...and life happened.  Through much struggle and fight, I became a mom to a mischievous and full of life two and a half year old.  And then when I came up for air, MercyFound Ministries was born, completely of Him.

I thought that this was it, what my heart had been stirred for all this time was finally happening.  And I'm beginning to understand now that it is only a part of what God is calling me to.  I have a story to share, one full of ordinary moments filled with the goodness and grace of God.  A story of ups and downs, setbacks and failures, triumphs and victories.

And He has called me to share it through Numbering Our Days.

He led me to Intentional Blogger, an amazing tutorial on using my blog for His glory, from Christian Mommy Blogger.  God used this book to shape and mold the direction of this ministry, and truly being INTENTIONAL about using my words and this space for Him.

So I'm stepping forward in faith, trusting in His strength, to use my blog as a ministry.

My mission at Numbering Our Days is to live my ordinary life striving to bring glory to God, and encouraging others to do the same with their ordinary moments too.  I desire to be real, clinging to Jesus through all that life brings, and creating community to walk this journey together and carry one another’s burdens.  Living our messy lives knowing that Christ is in our midst, we can share this truth with a world that doesn’t understand. 

  
There will be lots of changes coming soon, but the most important to take note of is that this site will be moving to www.numberingourdays.com in a few weeks.  I would love to stay in touch with you, so please redirect your bookmarks or feed readers to the new site.  (Speaking of feed readers, if you haven't replaced Google Reader, which is ceasing to exist in a couple of months, I HIGHLY recommend Blog Lovin'.)

I invite to join me on twitter and Facebook and joining community while things are quiet here and to know when the new site is up and running.  I can't wait to connect with you, and I look forward to journeying with you on this wild ride called life!

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inconvenienced eyes and Grace-Filled Glasses

I was zipping around the house, frustrated, frazzled, and snappy.  The thoughts flowing through my head were ugly.  

**WHY can't HE put HIS bowl in the dishwasher?  For the LOVE- It's less than one foot away!  WHY am I the ONLY one who can make lunch around here?  Can't they provide for themselves?!  HOW can clothes get this DIRTY?  It's going to take me ALL DAY to get this stupid stain out!**

On and on the inner dialogue goes, and I grow increasingly agitated, I begin to resent my role as a wife and mother and caretaker of our home.  God has given me some HUGE shoes to fill, and thankfully, I'm not the one to have to fill them. {Tweet This} But more often than not, I don't remember this truth.

My selfish heart is the main contributor to my inconvenienced eyes.  I see my little world through the lens of "me" and giving of myself and serving others seems less than ideal and downright inconvenient.    The little things that are really no big deal begin to dance on my nerves, and before I know what's happening, I'm ready to run away to a secluded place where my only concerns will be my own.

But, here's the thing.  My inconvenienced eyes are WRONG.  They are feeding me lies.

Truth is, God created me to bring glory to Himself by loving and serving others.  And in this season of my life, it practically looks like being a stay at home wife and mother.  And His truth from His word tells me that whatever I do, I am to do it all for the glory of Him. {Tweet This}

I'm extremely nearsighted in one of my eyes.  Ryan affectionately calls it my "sick eye."  I can only see out of it by the enhancement of corrective lenses.

My inconvenienced eyes are no less sick.

When I choose to look through the corrective lens of Christ at the needs of my family, allowing my motivation to become bringing Christ glory, love motivates and propels what I do and allows me to be a blessing to others rather than a frazzled mom with nothing left.

His grace-filled glasses are what I need to look through each day, trading out the lies with truth and thankfulness.

"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." -1 Corinthians 10:31

Fellowshipping with other great bloggers @ Thought Provoking Thursday, Thrive @ Home, Desire to Inspire, & Fellowship Fridays

stories of His faithfulness: in the midst of the struggles

My sweet friend, Courtney is hosing a series called stories of His faithfulness on her blog.  I'm posting over there today about some lessons I have learned about how God is faithful, even in the midst of life's struggles.  I would love for you to pay her a visit to check it out.  While you're there, take some time to read the other posts in the series- they are SO encouraging!

Hop over here to a faithfulness told to read!

Quitters Never Win

I've told you before that I am a fighter.

And while this is true, the sad reality is that I'm also a quitter.  Of the avoidance variety.  Let me explain...

(One of our many moving days)

We have A LOT of experience moving, and will (hopefully) soon tackle that beast again.  When everything is in boxes, the kitchen is completely and totally overwhelming to me.  The empty cabinets seem to mock me, as the things in boxes that need to find a shelf or drawer to live all fight for a prominent location.  I can't handle the pressure.  So I don't.

I find an easier room for me to deal with.  I hang clothes in closets.  Make up beds.  Unpack books into bookshelves.  Simple things with simple orders- that I can handle.  I let someone else organize my kitchen, and spend the weeks it takes to find the necessary utensils later.

Can you see the problem here?

While this is GREAT for temporarily avoiding one particular stressor, it creates MORE stress by not actually dealing with the problem.  While I didn't have to painstakingly find a spot for everything in that moment, I do spend extra hours in the weeks to follow digging around for what I need.

And I don't just do this with moving.

In my life, when particular problems seem insurmountable, or even just really hard, I have a tendency to  try and distract myself with something else to tackle that isn't as hard, and in essence, quit on what's difficult.

Struggling with selfishness?  That seems impossible to conquer.  Let's try to work on my exercise goals.    They need work too!  So, I quit.

I'm completely out of patience.  But I've heard not to EVER pray for patience.  Maybe I should work on serving more in this ministry.  Quitting again.

And on and on it goes.

When I finally get to the point where the issue that was just too overwhelming at the beginning HAS to be dealt with, it takes so much more time and energy than it would have previously.

Let's face it, sin is sin.  Even if it's completely overwhelming to begin to tackle, even if everyone else struggles with it, even if I'd rather run the other way and be a quitter...the longer I allow sin to fester, the more it takes control.

Romans 13:12 tells us, "The night is far gone; the day is at hand. So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light."

There's a reason you need armor when you step into the light.  It's hard. It's a battle of epic proportions. But I know the end.  Christ is victorious.

So, in that knowledge, I'm deciding to stop hiding in the dark, avoiding the overwhelming things in my life that need to be molded to be more like Christ.  I'm putting on my armor and jumping in the fight.

What about you?  Are you a quitter like I was?  How can you take a step today to put on your armor and battle?

Linking up with: Thought Provoking Thursday, Thrive @ Home, Fellowship Fridays

Why I started blogging...and what I didn't know

My first post was an announcement to the world almost three years ago that we were expecting.  No, I wasn't pregnant, but we WERE expectantly waiting on the Lord to lead us to our child through the journey of adoption.

Starting this little blog was my way of keeping friends and family updated through the long process, to talk my way through the peaks and valleys that were sure to come, and to keep a record of the time to share with our little one when he or she wanted to know about "our labor" to bring them into our family.

What I didn't know was how this little space would connect my heart with other women all over the globe who love Jesus and the orphan and walked faithfully with me through our rocky road to Hudson.  I didn't know how HARD the journey would be, or that many of my posts would be composed with tears and a heartache like I've never known -- as our son waited for us on the other side of the world and we didn't know if the courts would ever allow us to bring him home.  I didn't know just HOW MANY people I had never met in real life would be cheering us across the finish line as Hudson officially joined our family.

I also didn't know this blog was never meant to be about international adoption, although I talked about it a lot.  It was meant to be about being real through the struggles of this life, clinging to Jesus above all else, and finding community to walk this road in good company.  It is about living my ordinary life, every moment, striving to bring glory to my Father, and encouraging others to do the same with their ordinary moments too.

Genuine faith isn't all smiles and rainbows, happy all the time, feel good nonsense.  Mixed in is real struggle, grief-stricken sobs, foggy direction, roadblocks and u-turns, wandering in the wilderness, and time in the valley.  What you do, who you look to and trust, in these times that seem less than ideal is where faith is demonstrated. As we open our hearts to be real, true, carry one another's burdens, weep and mourn together faith-sisters, we can live our messy lives knowing that Christ is in our midst too, and share that with this world that doesn't understand.

And thankfully, God knew why I started blogging, even when I did not, and has been guiding each step along the way.

Choosing "Yes"

With a three year old constantly underfoot, saying "No" is much easier than saying "Yes."

No, don't touch the vacuum.

No, you can't cut the cake with that sharp knife.

No, we can't play airplane for the 1,000th time.

No, no, no, no, no.

I'm a pretty slow learner, and a lot stubborn, so forgive me if you're lightyears ahead of me on this one, but I've started to learn that with a three year old constantly underfoot, saying "Yes" is my God-given responsibility.

Read the rest of this post on the MercyFound Me blog here!

a season of struggle

Life these days feels like wading through molasses.

I struggle with how much to share here, and what to hold back. So, I've said nothing.

I struggle with what to do with this blog. It started as a journey to Hudson, and now he's home. Our plans are to adopt again, but I feel like with this little space, I've found a voice. So, not knowing what to do, I don't post.

I struggle daily, no, hourly, against my feelings and emotions that lead me astray. And I usually let them win.

I struggle constantly with mothering a head-strong, independent, free-thinker of a boy in a way that encourages his full potential in Christ. Most days, I feel like an exhausted failure.

I struggle hard with desires in my heart to write and create and not having the time. So I push them down, and never work to find the time to make it happen.

As silly as it sounds to type, at ALMOST 29, I struggle to find who I am. To matter. To not waste my life in a series of little moments that added all together equal nothing.

And on and on and on it goes. Struggle after struggle, day after day, I feel STUCK.

I look back to ask myself what have I done through this season of struggle, and the answer is that I've let myself be frozen in fear. I've stopped struggling. And I find myself buried under the weight of it all.

And enough is enough.

I'm jumping back in the fight.  I'm CHOOSING to struggle, because that means I'm choosing to LIVE rather than sit back and watch life happen to me.

I'm taking my inspiration from Jacob's struggle with God, who refused to lay down and quit.

"Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When the man saw that He could not defeat him, He struck Jacob’s hip socket as they wrestled and dislocated his hip. Then He said to Jacob, 'Let Me go, for it is daybreak.' But Jacob said, 'I will not let You go unless You bless me.'  'What is your name?' the man asked. 'Jacob,' he replied. 'Your name will no longer be Jacob,' He said. 'It will be Israel because you have struggled with God and with men and have prevailed.'" -Genesis 32:24-28

While my struggles may not be a literal wrestling match, my insides are at war.  I refuse to settle for less than what God intended because I'm tired of fighting.