I love reading through my old posts. Not in a vain, I'm so great kind of way, but to be on the other side of the bumps and twists and turns we've navigated on this journey and to watch as God unfolded His perfect plan for us. Life looks so much different on the other side of the valley than when you are in the pit of it. And in reading through my reflections, struggles, confessions and prayers I've posted in this space, I realized a few things about myself.
And I can't say that I like it too much.
When things are hard, when my circumstances don't make sense and overwhelm me- I turn to God. There's nowhere else to go. No one else understands, knows, sees the big picture. When my heart is broken, I hand it over to the one who painstakingly formed it. I actively seek His face, and struggle and fight to take hold of His truths.
But when things are good, when they are going according to MY plans...
I happily skip out on my own, leaving behind those truths I've fought so hard to grasp. When it's easy, I can handle it just fine on my own! I don't need His truths- life is good!
Oh, but how wrong my independent, "happy" heart is. And how fast it will lead me astray, whistling a happy tune.
Why can't I get it through my thick skull that God is not just a master problem solver, but also the author of joy? Why can't I laugh well with Him, but I can pour out my sorrows to Him? What makes this lump of clay think I am ANYTHING, ANYONE, on my own, apart from the potter who is molding me new each day into what He desires?
And so, I will choose today to position myself in reverence and worship to the One who has ordained my every step. And I will choose it again, when my thoughts wander elsewhere. Or when my heart feels in control. Or when life is going my way and so am I. Again and again, I will consciously choose to follow hard after Him, in all things.
Because the only life worth living is completely in Him.
And I can't say that I like it too much.
When things are hard, when my circumstances don't make sense and overwhelm me- I turn to God. There's nowhere else to go. No one else understands, knows, sees the big picture. When my heart is broken, I hand it over to the one who painstakingly formed it. I actively seek His face, and struggle and fight to take hold of His truths.
But when things are good, when they are going according to MY plans...
I happily skip out on my own, leaving behind those truths I've fought so hard to grasp. When it's easy, I can handle it just fine on my own! I don't need His truths- life is good!
Oh, but how wrong my independent, "happy" heart is. And how fast it will lead me astray, whistling a happy tune.
Why can't I get it through my thick skull that God is not just a master problem solver, but also the author of joy? Why can't I laugh well with Him, but I can pour out my sorrows to Him? What makes this lump of clay think I am ANYTHING, ANYONE, on my own, apart from the potter who is molding me new each day into what He desires?
And so, I will choose today to position myself in reverence and worship to the One who has ordained my every step. And I will choose it again, when my thoughts wander elsewhere. Or when my heart feels in control. Or when life is going my way and so am I. Again and again, I will consciously choose to follow hard after Him, in all things.
Because the only life worth living is completely in Him.
So excited that you are getting so close to having your sweet boy home.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Amy
Thanks Amy, we are too! It's a little surreal, but we're so excited!
DeleteWe can count the days on one hand now!!! So excited for you guys! Email at any point with questions about ANYTHING!
ReplyDeleteJessi- thank you! We're praying for you guys as you plan to come home! Excitement all around! :)
DeleteSo true in my life as well! Only a few more days until your big trip. Prayers are with you! Heather
ReplyDeleteThanks, Heather! We appreciate all the prayers, support, advice, and friendship- you guys have been a blessing!
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