reminders of God's presence

I'm not going to lie, this journey has been HARD.

Every day, there is a choice to be made: to trust God, or to not.  Some days, it's easier than others to make the right choice. 

Yesterday was a hard day.  And God knew it would be.  All throughout the day, He provided sweet reminders of His presence. 

An encouraging word from a precious friend telling me she's praying for us and reminding me that Hudson is NOT alone, that God is with him.

A package arriving from a fellow adoptive momma so our boys can have matching tee's.

A psalm at just the right time to bring the message to my heart that God is our protector and deliverer. 

I am so thankful that He knows just what we need when we need it.  He is so good.  And even when this is clouded by my circumstances, feelings, and lack of trust, He lovingly calls me back. 

What a faithful God. 

unfinished

Much in my life is unfinished, unpolished, in need of a lot of work.

Most of all- me.  I am a work in progress. 

Messy, rough around the edges, and a bit disastrous at times. 

I begin to work on one thing, only to simultaneously tear down another. 

It's hard.  The world isn't black and white to me.  Mixed in are shades of grey, blue, red... all with endless possibilities and the ability to pull me away from what should be my main focus.

You see, I don't always build from the foundation up.

If the middle looks good, I'll just jump in there.  But the middle can't stand on it's own.  I can put in all the work in the world to making the best middle I can, but if it isn't attached to a solid foundation, I've failed. 

My foundation, my focus, is Jesus.  And yet, I often wander away, distracted by something shiny, to fix some problem or need in my life on my own. 

And not surprisingly, it comes crashing down. 

Oh, how thankful I am that He doesn't leave me to my own devices.  That He doesn't expect me to fix things on my own.  That with all my problems, sin, and failures, that He doesn't leave me alone. 

I am unfinished.  He's still working on me, if I will lay down my hammer and let Him do what He desires.

I just have to get out of the way. 

"And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns."  -Philippians 1:6

catalyst

You may remember back in January when I posted about "7" by Jen Hatmaker.

Or how we were tackling waste first. 

All of that has been great.  We've been seeking to simplify and seek God.  And truthfully, this has been really easy for me.  I'm a closet hippy tree-hugger, so being green really wasn't too much of a stretch.  I was just too lazy to take the first step.

But now, we recycle and compost everything we can.  Our trash has been drastically reduced.  I've even switched from paper towels and dryer sheets to reusable "un-paper" towels and wool dryer balls.  I make most of our household cleaners with environmentally friendly items.  Done.  Check!  And with a big pat on the back, I've been congratulating myself.

Over something that was EASY.  I'm giving myself kudos for no longer being lazy.

How sad. 

My heart has such a long way to go.   I desire to be radically different, but my indifference is speaking loudly.  There are so many things (literal THINGS) in my life taking up space and time that should be focused on God and His mission.  I've been missing the point.

And so, with fresh eyes and a re-purposed heart, I'm revisiting "7."  It's not magical.  It's not going to change me.  But it can be a catalyst for the necessary change in my life if I will allow it to be.  I'm taking it slow, allowing God to speak to me as He desires, to show me what His will is for my life, and what I can do to grow closer to this. 

It's not going to be easy.  It never is. But I am excited to see what happens in my life when I get rid of the stuff to make room for God.  Jesus, help me decrease so you can increase. 

Working in Hudson's room!

We worked a little more in Hudson's room this weekend. We made these from matte self-adhesive vinyl, a cricut, and lots of patience to put them up!

I'm really pleased with how these turned out!

While I'm waiting...

Lately, our life has been filled with more and more waiting.  It doesn't make for very exciting blog posts.  But we have managed to keep super busy, which are making the days go by a little faster. 

We were able to meet with a wonderful lady for our psych evals on Tuesday, and she is working on writing up the report now.   It should hopefully be on the way to translation by the last week in March.  Once this is translated and to the Judge, he will then issue us a new court date. 

I'm feeling hopeful, but also apprehensive.  It's a scary thing to go back to do the same thing you've already done and hope for a different outcome.  But we know this is the Lord's battle.  We're fighting each day to trust that He has it all in control, and we need not worry.  God's been using a lot of things in my life to minister to me during this uncertain time, and one I wanted to share is the song "Already There" by Casting Crowns. 

From where I'm standing
Lord it's so hard for me to see
Where this is going
And where You're leading me
I wish I knew how
All my fears and all my questions
Are gonna play out
In a world I can't control

When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there

From where You're standing
Lord, You see a grand design
That You imagined
When You breathed me into life
And all the chaos
Comes together in Your hands
Like a masterpiece
Of Your picture perfect plan

One day I'll stand before You
And look back on the life I've lived
I can't wait to enjoy the view
And see how all the pieces fit

I love the thought that while I see chaos in our lives, God sees it as part of the masterpiece He is creating in and through our lives.  While we can't see now how it all will come together, we know He is working in every detail.  We continue to pray for His glory to shine through us and Hudson's story, that He may be known!

An update of sorts...

For all of you praying for us, thinking of us, checking in on us- we are so thankful for your love and support.  Your prayers on Hudson's behalf mean more than I could ever express.  I know there's a lot I haven't been able to share publicly, and I can't thank you enough for praying even though you don't know all the details.  God does, and He is working in the midst of them!

Our facilitator met with the judge on Tuesday, and he was very happy with the progress we had made, the documents we presented, and the speed at which we had done all that.  He has been very positive and encouraging.  He checked with the other officials who will be in court to see if they would like to see anything else, to cover all our bases so we can hopefully have a smooth court process next time, and the one thing that has been requested is psychological evaluations.  These are becoming more and more common, although they are not required at this point. 

I jokingly said I wish they had asked for these a long time ago, because if I wasn't crazy then, I surely am now!  So, we are working on finding a licensed psychologist who will help us with this evaluation (which is harder than it sounds!), get these done, and to the court.  This is hopefully the last hoop before we can get a new court date, which from what everyone is telling us, should be a very positive outcome. 

There are a few concerns (of course!) about the next court date- please be praying for hearts to be changed and for all mountains to be moved out of the way.  Pray that even now, any resistance would begin to fade.  Pray that we can present ourselves well and they will be able to see the love and bond we already have with Hudson, and that he is without a doubt a part of our family.  Pray for our nerves, because just thinking about being in the courtroom again terrifies me. 

We know God is bigger than all of this, and we continue to pray every day for His glory to shine through us and Hudson's story.  We know He is doing big things, even though we cannot see yet what they are.  We are trusting His way above our own, and pray He will continue to guide us through each new day while we seemingly stumble in the dark.  Thanks for being here with us, praying us through.  We are so very thankful.